When You're a Perfectionist
We all know somebody who is a perfectionist. Maybe, like me, you’re accepting the fact that it’s yourself. In the creative community, it seems that the percentage of perfectionists might be higher, or perhaps, more noticeable. Interestingly, there are studies that claim perfectionism is on the rise in recent generations, at least in Western culture. In the mentioned study, interestingly and sadly, much of the reasoning attributed to the rise, is our culture’s obsession with materialism: money, possessions and our bodies, to name several common pursuits.
But, I’m not smart enough to comment too much on the deeper psychological reasons for perfectionism. The following thoughts are just based on what I’ve noticed in my life. I think sometimes we try to blame our weaknesses on other people or circumstances outside our control. I’m not looking to provide an excuse, and I would encourage you to not look for one either. We can change. The first step is to be aware of the weakness or habit that is causing problems. It’s helpful to understand a little of the why and it’s fascinating to look at the ways perfectionism and self-criticism might be influenced by materialism. But don’t blame it on other people or your parents or culture.
Recognize the problem. Understand it. And then work on fixing it.
“Real perfectionism isn’t about “having high standards.” It’s about control. Trying to have an impossible, irrational level of control over a world that is, by and large, uncontrollable.”
I’ve been noticing recently just how much of a perfectionist I am sometimes. Obviously in my creative work, but also just in life. I’ve been learning to downhill ski, and it’s incredibly frustrating to me that my first time down the mountain (or 30th) wasn’t perfect. Playing an instrument or picking up a sport? I’d just rather not do it if I can’t be really good at it.
Part of that, of course, is pride. It’s not particularly fun when you’re the worst at something. But there’s also that underlying feeling that if I mentally know how something should be, then I should do it that way every time.
Films.
I absolutely love the process of creating a visual story. I experience a creative high when I’m on a set or just shooting footage. Why is it so hard for me to do it more often? There are a lot of varying answers, but often it’s simply that I’m very critical of the end result. I have yet to shoot something perfect, and those “mistakes” are always glaring at me at the end of an edit to the point where I’m not very public about a lot of the work I do.
You can find many lists online with ways to overcome perfectionism. Some good, some not very helpful. Mostly dealing with things like identifying it, redefining your values or trying to find a more realistic approach. If you need a specific list of things to do, go look some of those up.
I’m interested in a lifestyle change that’s going to keep me motivated, improve my creativity and help me enjoy life more. As I’ve been becoming more aware of myself, here are a few of the ways that have helped me, and that I intend to work harder at implementing to overcome some of the problems that arise from perfectionism. I’m not writing as an expert, these are just things I’m continuing to work on in my life.
1. Just Do It.
No, this post wasn’t sponsored by Nike, and yes, this is very unhelpful advice. That’s what you’ve been telling yourself for forever. Perhaps I should clarify what I mean a little better: Find a way to make yourself do something. There has been much famous debate over Gladwell’s 10,000-hour-rule. That’s a study for another time, but regardless of whether you put a number on it, the point is that you still have to practice to be good at something. If you have visions of perfection in your art (or whatever it is), know that the more you do, the closer you’ll get to achieving near-perfection. It’s never going to be perfect. Even in the very unlikely chance that you think it is, someone else will come along and point out your flaws.
Find a way to make yourself get something done. This doesn’t mean forget any hope of standards, but find a balance. Producing a lot of content that isn’t especially good, or producing a little content that is higher quality; both are better than doing nothing. And both (with a little bit of wisdom) will bring you closer to mastery.
A few things that have helped me?
Challenges are good. Sign up for a writing or film speed challenge. (Insert the blank for anything else: maybe try an online or local college course) It’s not going to be a perfect product, and it may not be in your best interest to do it all the time. Producing a lot of mediocre content can be depressing. But if you’re stuck in a rut of nothing, a speed challenge can be a way to force something to happen. Especially if you have to pay a fee.
Also, be open to being involved with others. Help other people with their projects. Even if it’s not the way you would do it, being involved is some fresh air for your creativity and can help you find the enjoyment in the process and focus less on the end result.
2. Grow Your Circle.
Being open to helping others is important, although perhaps it’s even more important to find others to help you. Surround yourself with like-minded people who will hold you accountable. Be honest with them and don’t pretend to be something you’re not. After all, as a perfectionist, you know how lousy your work is. Don’t pretend it’s great. Building a circle of people who are humble, genuine, and want the best for each other will be an incredible resource to help you break down the walls and make a habit of sharing what you’re working on, and again, find the enjoyment in the process and stop stressing about the end result.
3. Find Inspiration.
You have to find ways to keep it fun and maintain your excitement for whatever you’re focused on.
If that’s movies, then you should be watching movies. Learn more about the art and appreciate the greats. When I’m stuck in a rut of being too critical of everything I do, I find that I also haven’t been spending time simply enjoying the art form. Watching a great movie excites me and gives me the boost to create, even though I’m not Terrence Malick or Christopher Nolan. And the same is true in whatever area you’re struggling with perfectionism. If you’re a writer because you love great literature, then read more great books. If you’re frustrated that you’re not a great skier, focus on what you enjoy about it and keep practicing.
The more enjoyment and inspiration you can find while in the process will make your art better, you more creative and you’ll probably be a lot more fun to be around.
-Silas